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LOCAL STORIES |
By David A. and Kathryn Lee Lord, Donor parents
September 13, 1974 - May 14, 1995
Mother's Day 1995 started out like most Sundays at our house, somewhat chaotic. Our daughter Rebecca, her husband Dave, and our two grandsons from Florida had just left our house to visit Dave's family in Ohio. After church, David and I met friends for lunch. While waiting in line to go into the restaurant, we heard sirens and I remember thinking how sad for that family on Mother's Day. Little did I know it was our family.
After lunch we met our youngest son, HT, to go shopping. As we entered a store, David's beeper went off. He stopped at a payphone while we went in to look around. We didn't give much thought to who may be calling, as David was the pastor of Lake City United Methodist Church, and unanticipated calls were common.
As we were leaving the store, we met David coming from the payphone. I knew something was very wrong. The Lake City Police Department had paged us to tell us our son Ray had been in a very serious auto accident and was at UT Hospital. Before David could get the words out, I knew Ray was gone.
When we got to the hospital about 4:30 p.m., Ray was in the neurological ICU. My heart crumbled when I saw Ray lying so hurt and helpless. His face was swollen and bleeding and he had the imprint of the telephone pole on his face. The doctors and nurses were doing everything possible to save him. Not only were they good to Ray, they were very good to us as well. We were allowed to come and go from his room all through the evening. They told us what they were doing and why and were patient in answering our many questions.
About 5:30 p.m., the doctor told us Ray had suffered a severe trauma to the head and spinal cord and his brain was dead. Although we did not fully comprehend what "brain dead" meant, the doctor said it was irreversible and nothing could be done to "bring him back." The doctor told us they would do several tests over the next six hours to confirm brain death. He was very kind and understanding. I will never forget how compassionate the entire UT staff was with Ray and our family.
When we inquired about the possibility of organ donation, we were told the appropriate people had been notified and they would talk with us after all the tests were complete. At no time were we pressured about donating Ray's organs. About 11 p.m. the doctor told us the tests had confirmed brain death. He explained that Ray could be kept on life support indefinitely; however, his body would begin to die before long. As David and I discussed taking Ray off of life support, we knew Ray wanted to be an organ and tissue donor. We knew it was time to "let Ray go." Ray was pronounced dead just before midnight on Mother's Day, May 14, 1995.
That night we met with a coordinator from Tennessee Donor Services (TDS). Jennifer has been "with" us ever since. She had the difficult task of asking the necessary questions to obtain Ray's medical history from parents who had just lost their son. She did not rush through the forms; she was very patient and understanding. She explained brain death in terms we could comprehend and made sure we understood that once the brain was dead, the body would not function on its own and in time the body would also die. She made it very clear that organ donation was only possible when brain death occurred.
As we were leaving the hospital, I couldn't help but think about Ray's reply any time he was asked how he was doing, he always said, "My heart's still beating." That night as I walked out of his room, his heart was beating, only because he was on life support until his organs and tissues could be recovered, but Ray was "not there."
Ray underwent surgery the next day. We wanted the recovery team to take whatever organs and tissues they could use to give someone else an opportunity for a better life. At that time, we knew very little about organ and tissue donation.
We also knew from recent conversations with Ray that he did not want to be buried, so arrangements were made to have him cremated. However, both of his sisters were in the military and wanted to see Ray and they would not be in until the next day. So the Funeral Director arranged to pick Ray up from UT Hospital and bring him to the funeral home before he was taken to the crematory. Our family was able to see Ray and say their final goodbyes. I am thankful we had the opportunity to see Ray after the organ and tissue recovery, because he looked better than when we last saw him at the hospital. I will be forever thankful to the funeral home staff for the compassion they showed us during this very traumatic time.
The next few days were a blur. Family and friends were notified and preparations were made for the memorial service to be held on Wednesday after Mother's Day. I don't know how we made it through, but we did.
During the following week, I could not help but wonder if we should have kept Ray on life support longer. Then we got our first letter from TDS and in that letter was "To Remember Me" by Robert N. Test. After reading the letter and the poem, I knew we had done the right thing. Between 60 and 80 people had their life saved or were given a better quality of life because of Ray. This was our answer. I am grateful that because of Ray's gift of life, many families will have their loved one a while longer.
Since that tragic time, we have learned a lot about organ and tissue donation. It is an awesome gift; however, a lot of pieces must come together before it is possible. First and foremost, the donor must be brain dead. After brain death is determined, the process of "matching" the organ to a suitable recipient begins. In addition, all of this must take place within a specific timeframe.
I would not want anyone to go through what we did with Ray. However, I would like to be able to educate others on the facts about organ and tissue donation. Please don't be afraid to talk about it, you never know when you may be faced with having to make a life giving decision. |
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RAY'S STORY